Change Is Hard. Tuesday, 29 December 2020

Having come to the realization that in order to move forward in a more positive manner or risk wasting the time I have remaining on Mother Earth, I'm resolving to change.

For a myriad of  reasons, I seem to always expect the worst of any situation. Borrowing trouble from a non-existent future. They call it "stinking thinking" in AA, and I hold a Master' Degree in it.

The problem is this: changing a lifelong habit. 

It took me years to give up smoking (a 35 year habit). And, truly, that was Divine Intervention in response to a prayer. No, really. I prayed God would take away that desire and when I woke the next day the desire to smoke was gone. Although from time to time the craving hits my psyche with such urgency 

Not sure praying will work this time (I am not quite right with God at present.)

So... Am gonna try to replace all this negativity with some type of positive activity. Because I get bored easily, there's gonna be quite a few things to choose from for good habits to cultivate and perhaps incorporate into a routine.

Wish me luck!

When Five Years Seems Like Yesterday. Saturday, 26 December 2020

This is a hard time of year for me. For years I have had a condition known as SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. This has been compounded by the death of my mother five years ago today. Add in the COVID-19 pandemic with its associated anxiety, necessary paranoia and social isolation... Well. You get the idea.

Change is difficult to accomplish. There are so many reminders of losses close to my heart. Lots of crying going on in this house right now. Five years apparently isn't long enough to stop this heart from mourning. 

I miss you, Mom. Every day.

I try to count my blessings because I know many people are going without while I have so much. I have a roof over my head, food in the cupboards and just enough to pay the bills with a little bit of folding money to save for a rainy day. Plus all these furry, loving animals to keep me entertained and from being too lonely.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Sunday. A typical day of rest... Or not, as the case may be. This time period is something I want to remember.

Have been a bit ill for a few weeks. Sick enough to phone the doctor for a prescription (which did not resolve the issue after a week of use). Which prompted an actual physical visit to the doctor's office in the middle of this pandemic. Good move on my part, because this could have gotten out of hand without antibiotics and steroids. Bad for sleep because my already lacking sleep schedule is interrupted to take medication (300mg of Clindamycin every 6 hours). 

Speaking of the COVID-19 pandemic: Son-in-law and lover have been exposed to a person with a confirmed diagnosis. Lover has been quarantined for 14 days by the CDC and will probably be required to get tested. Unclear on what will happen with son-in-law. 

Lots of anxiety (and some panic attacks) all around. More and more cases being diagnosed and admitted to hospitals whose capacity in many cases has reached 85%. Soon they will be unable to accept any patients. Health care workers are stretched to the point of breaking.

Because of political reasons (think tRump), Health Officials, essential workers and folks experienced with the loss caused by this horrible virus are being ignored by much of the population even after begging folks to follow safety measures (i.e., wearing masks, using sanitizer, maintaining a 6-foot social distance, limiting exposure by refraining from unnecessary travel and limiting both indoor and outdoor gathering sizes). 

Rather than coming together to find a common solution, lots of folks are bickering about shit that doesn't matter (the election results).

Happy 2019! New Year. New Beginning.

Today a barberry candle is scenting the house with it's sweet, pine-like fragrance in remembrance of past family traditions. Scent is so often linked to memory. I close my eyes and can see the dining room of THE BIG HOUSE with its worn linoleum floor, peeling wallpaper and pink-painted cabinets. Memories both good and bad.

So many people make resolutions at this time of new beginnings. To lose weight, eat healthier, exercise more, get right with God...

To that end, this year I'm going to practice kindness until I get it right. Including being kind to myself. 

On other matters...

This is a painting begun Easter of 2014. I was happy with the hills, barn and foreground. However, the apple trees were not good - to say the least. I walked away from it for a couple years.

When I came back to it, I added fall foliage to the hills in the background and goldenrod and Queen Anne's Lace to the foreground. Then I walked away from it for a couple years. 

Was watching watercolor tutorials on YouTube and finally decided how to finish the painting so the apple trees look real. Started roughing in the general shapes a couple weeks before Christmas and work on it a bit at a time. Although the painting is far from finished, it finally looks more like what I had in mind from the beginning.  What do you think?

Sunday Watercolor.

Took a week to paint this little 4 1/4" x 6 1/4" watercolor. Sprayed with acrylic sealer to keep the color from fading. Not impressed with the finish.

Back to the drawing board.

Y'all have a great day.

Waiting For The Coffee To Perk Sunday. 2 December 2018.

Woke up early this morning. Sometime around 4 a.m. ...

Couldn't get back to sleep right away, but the sandman finally arrived around the time the alarm would normally chime. Eventually, Bandit jingled his collar (and jingled his collar, and jingled his collar) to let me know it was time for a W-A-L-K.

Shock! 6:40 a.m.! That makes two days in a row these lazy bones have stayed abed past time to rise.

As you can see by the photo snapped on our W-A-L-K, green grass has taken over some of the neighborhood. There's still a lot of snow. There's even more mud. An unusually warm December day with a high of around 50 degrees is expected. Unfortunately, a cold front is making its way and should hit sometime tomorrow. Then temperatures are expected to be mostly in the 20s. Brrrr.

Green grass in December feels like a WIN though, doesn't it?!

By the way: Happy December!

Now's the time of year to start decorating for Christmas. Haven't been able to do that since Henrietta came into the household. Might try to make a small display on top of the china cabinet; the only place she can't reach. Wish me luck.

Haven't worked on the Matryoshka ornaments at all this week. Have been trying to figure out what to do with the crazy quilt squares sewn last Winter. Below is all I've come up with so far. The handle/gusset is a re-purposed silk tie.

The coffee is ready, so I must bid you a fond farewell.

Until next time: Count your blessings.

Rainy Monday. Post-Thanksgiving Post. 26 November 2018. SAD.

Matryoshka Bodies and Heads

Yesterday was a hard day. Spent way too much time crying because it was Mom's birthday and I miss her so very much. Every day.

Add to that the fact that I'm one of the six percent of Americans who suffer from S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) according to the National Institute of Mental Health.

Mine kicks off emotionally mid-September and runs through February/March. September is Sister's birth AND death days. October's gray skies flow into November - Mom's birth month - and December: Mom's death month. Being alone for the holidays doesn't help.

During the Winter, I try to get outside as much as possible to get a little exposure to natural vitamin D. Of course, diet is supplemented with a double dose of D. Some say taking Vitamin D doesn't help with this type of depression, but it sure seems to help me. If I could, I would try to get some time in the tanning booth for good measure.

Have added St. John's Wort to the list of daily supplements. It's supposed to support emotional health. Hey - will try anything once. So far not much has changed.

Winter's rough on my back, hips, neck and foot as well. The cold and damp seems to seep right into my bones. Will be glad to see Spring again.

Being single means that Thanksgiving was quiet in this household. Regardless, a huge meal was cooked. Roast pork loin instead of turkey, candied sweet potatoes, chestnut stuffing, baked white potatoes, pumpkin pie with cool whip, corn. Leftovers were eaten during the course of the week and divided up into freezer TV dinners.

Was going to make either rolls or bread but figured there was already way too much carbohydrates for one person to consume. Plus, the Sourdough Starter I've been feeding smelled like it had gone past it's peak (think stale beer), so it was tossed and a new batch is on the cupboard fermenting. Am still learning the ins-and-outs of working with the starter. Don't know what I'd do without the internet as a research tool.

Spoke with Auntie and Daughter and Son on Thanksgiving day. Was happy to hear from them all and to share a little laughter.

Matryoshka Lining

Decided to try to shave some time off production of the Matryoshka ornaments.  Spent some time cutting felt for more. They may not look like much, but they take a lot of work. Felt has to be cut for the body, face and hair. Then two layers of low loft quilt batting gets cut for each. Not to mention the embroidery and beading. I will put the hanging threads on them all at once.

Anyway... enough sets were cut to make forty-eight ornaments.

In case you're wondering, the batting gives them a bit of shape and a more finished look than simply allowing the wool felt to lie flat.

Sometimes, the hardest part is deciding what color floss or beads or sequins or ribbon to use. So many possibilities.

The assembly line is working out pretty well. Still, with physical limitations, it's hard to make very many per day. Am striving (struggling) to reach a goal of three per day.

Scroll to the next page to see the few that are ready.